a long-winded and rambling update

Hi kids. Yes, I'm here! It's been a hell of a month and after this coming weekend it's all going to change again. Sunday will be the last day that I will be open for Helfa Gelf - if any of you readers made it to my studio over the past month, thank you so, so much for coming.

I have had an immensely enjoyable, exhausting, humbling and encouraging time doing it. I have met a slew of wonderful people: too many to list all of them. Yesterday I mentioned Jenny, but I am also very lucky to have met local artists such as Helen Melvin, who is like a modern-day alchemist, cooking up natural dyes in her studio and making gorgeously rich images with her hand-dyed felt. Further up in the hills is Ruth Thomas, whose collagraph techniques made me wish I could have a go, and even further up are all the talented folk up at the Gales Gathering. I also enjoyed meeting Badge (blog, website), a recent graduate with a fabulously interesting and macabre portfolio of work. His studio mates, Wendy and Susie were also fun and talented.

 

It has been inspiring to have met so many creative people in such a short space of time. What has struck me over the course of the event is a common desire to support each other as independent artists, that all of us are doubtful sometimes of our own ability and need encouraging every now and then. A meet-up for a natter and a cup of tea is always a good thing too!

So what next? To be honest, I'm not sure. I think I need another holiday! Whatever the case, I am aiming to be back here and blogging more frequently again (don't I sound like a stuck record?).

Jenny Murray

A little heads-up today for my lovely friend, Jenny Murray, who makes the most beautiful ceramic domestic ware. I went to see her at the Cymru Contemporary Art Fair in Conwy on Saturday, and her studio is just down the road from our house. I couldn't resist buying a bowl and a delightful spoon, and I am sure I will soon fill my house with her work, I love it so much. I don't think she sells online, although she has an empty Etsy shop, which I hope she opens up soon for those of you who can't make it to North Wales!

spending...

I still have nothing very interesting to show you! We have been spending money. Lots of it.

I finally cracked about having next to no comfortable seating in the house (fourteen - yes, fourteen - dining chairs and only one sofa?!), and bought this three seater sofa from Blue Suntree.

I also bought this rather girly antique rug to go around/under a bed in one of the bedrooms from Magic of Orient on eBay. I know I can make it work!

Helfa Gelf is going really well - I sold an original drawing on Saturday, which I was over the moon about, although I will be a bit sad that it will be leaving me. I adored the couple who bought it, though, so I am sure it will go to a good home.

The serious artist

Client: Ikea

I'm in a bit of a maudlin mood about work at the moment. I'm returning to a topic that preoccupies me to an unhealthy degree - what it is to be a true artist. I know that a lot of people who stop by my blog are illustrators themselves, so maybe you will understand what I mean when I say that I wonder sometimes if I'm an artist at all.

Client: Tesco

Client: Fiat

You see, I draw a lot of animals and car parts, and I animate run cycles and dog silhouettes, all on demand and for clients, not myself. It's what I have to do to make a living and a lot of the time it's quite fun. A lot of time is is soul-sapping. When the work isn't coming in thick and fast I have the chance to work on personal projects. And that's when I come unstuck.

I have impulsively signed myself up for the open studios event in North Wales, Helfa Gelf, with the intention of building up a body of my own, what I call 'proper', work before September. It's not that I have to be a painter or sculptor to take part - being an illustrator is just as valid, but I have yearnings to paint and to make more things with my hands and this is a good opportunity to push myself. To this end, I have started to think about what I really want to do, but right now I'm frozen with terror. It's that blank canvas feeling, you know?

It's been a long time since I've seriously sat down and thought about doing something entirely self-directed. What do I want to do? Who am I? What do I want to say? I used to use my sketchbooks at uni as a kind of repository for my 'streams of consciousness' ranting and self-loathing. I wrote much more than I drew in those sketchbooks. It was a way of procrastinating about producing any artwork at all; I was 'thinking'. I'm procrastinating right now by blogging my insecurities rather than addressing them practically.

I look at other artists' work and am preoccupied by a few questions. What is it that compels artists to do what they do; to choose to paint humans or landscapes or whatever? How do they make choices and decisions about where to make a mark, which colour to use, how big a canvas to paint on? How do they know if what they have done is any good? Or is it the case that whatever you do, you have to believe that it's good enough or no-one else will either. Where on earth do I start?


What I do know about myself is that I am obsessed by dead, stuffed, pickled animals, deformities, notions of conservation and preservation, education and display. I like reading about sideshows and freak shows, the circus and the zoo. I am not a serious person and I should value my ability to make people laugh. It's not easy when most 'real' artists seem to take themselves so seriously - am I too flippant to ever be an artist?

I wonder if any of you also feel like this, and what you do to inspire your own work, to give yourself a kick start when the inspiration and self-belief are running a bit low? How do you know if what you are doing is any good, or does that not matter? Please share your thoughts!

portraits from the museum

Just a few of the ladies and gentlemen I met last Thursday.




Sorry, I've not been particularly inspired to draw anything yet this week.

Manchester Museum and other stuff

Yesterday I decided to take a trip into Manchester for a bit of drawing fun, and to get out of the house. I've been working pretty hard for the last week or so, so it was a day off, if you could call drawing for nearly five hours in a museum a 'day off'. I visited the Manchester Museum to draw the stuffed animals and skeletons - one of my favourite subjects.


What fascinates me about them is not so much the animals themselves, but the way in which they are displayed, and the ideas of preservation, education and human curiosity that they represent. A lot of these animals were killed and collected for personal or scientific interest a very long time ago. To shoot some of these species just for your collection is now absolutely unthinkable, when so many are coming close to extinction. Similar ideas interest me about zoos - I have drawn many times in zoos but, whilst their ostensible purpose is to conserve and protect species, sometimes they make me acutely uncomfortable. These thoughts pervade some of my more formal work and I'm hoping that in the coming few months before Helfa Gelf that I will create a body of work that relates to it.


On more frivolous days, I imagine them having conversations with each other:
"So, how was last night?"
"Pretty wild, actually."

For lunch, I met up with the husband to check out the veggie cafe at the Eighth Day health food shop. We shared dhal and a Sri Lankan cashew nut curry, both with brown rice. Absolutely wonderful. They also have a delicious looking take-away at the main shop counter with all sorts of wraps and pies that made my mouth water even after we'd stuffed ourselves full of lunch. If you ever happen to be hanging around the universities in Manchester, this is the place to go (as long as you like high-fibre food!). They even have their own recipe section full of yummy looking dishes.

Have a good weekend!

stuff and nonsense

I've been a bit distracted again this week. I have to get my head down and work my tits off until next week on an animation job I'm doing. Boooo... Now what was it that I wanted to say?

We made an exciting discovery last weekend: Empire House Antiques Warehouse in Failsworth, just outside of Manchester. It is a two-storey warehouse crammed with antique furniture and homewares of all kinds at very affordable prices. We could have bought a whole van-load of things if we'd actually been there to buy - a lovely early 20th Century wardrobe with little labels for ties, collars and shirts on the compartments inside; vintage school chairs and stools; old suitcases; industrial lamps. I was hyperventilating, I tell you.

I have applied to take part in the North Wales Helfa Gelf Open Studios event this September. Foolishly, I don't yet have a studio to call my own, but I am determined to have one set up by September so that I can receive visitors. I've got all sorts of ideas for things to do for it, and I can't wait to start working on new work. Hopefully it will provide an incentive and an inspiration for me to try out new things and meet some other artists too! Now all I've got to do is convince myself that I AM an artist, not just some commercial drudge...